My sisters, my sisters, I've been here you know
But it's damned if I stay, damned if I go
So I stand still and wait and hope
That you might hear this solitary drone
Or notice me on the side of the road
With my thumbs pointed neither east nor west
But out to you as you fly by
On your golden throne which, believe it or not,
I willingly shine as you sleep at night
My sisters, my sisters, I've been here you know
But it's damned if I stay, damned if I go
Though I confess that I did once look to foreign shores
My nostrils found the air devoid of salt and spice and soul and You
So I turned away with hull intact
Sails puffed out on a holy mission
Determined to to prove my love to you
Confident that you would notice
But the winds blew my heart to and fro
And I lost my way in a fog of whispery voices
"Where have all the good ones gone/
You can't find one/
Unless he's married/
Or locked up/
Or lying/
Or cheating/
Or beating/
Or with a white girl...
The whispers say
So I ask the question, since I've not been had
If the good ones are gone
Does that make me, in my blackness, bad
And what do I do with your looks of surprise
When I step through the door with arms to myself?
And you turn away as if to say
"What's wrong with him?"
"Something must be wrong with him."
While I'm left standing with that "save face" smile
With a dampened forehead
And hands looking for a place to hide
Yet I'm willing to stand and hope for you
'Cause you look like the queens who raised me, you do!
And as you sleep I'll continue to shine
That Golden Throne - yours and mine
So my sisters, my sister, I'm still here you know
Let them damn me for staying
'Cause I'll be damned if I go!
written at the Givens Black Writers Retreat - November 8, 2008
